Radford, VA - Already woozy from the possibility of a broken-up Big East, Virginia Tech fans received another glancing blow to the head when Will Stewart, general manager of popular Hokie fan site Techsideline.com (TSL) announced that he and his website would be joining the ACC, effective August 2005. Adding insult to injury, TSL will be renamed "Wahoo Central", merging with infamous University of Virginia page The Sabre.

According to Stewart, the decision to jump to the ACC was made over the past week, during a self-described "vacation" from the website. Indications are that Stewart spent much of the week with Mike Ingalls, Boardhost of The Sabre, finalizing details.

"This was strictly a business decision," said Stewart. "There are a lot of advantages to joining the ACC, and Wahoo Central will certainly be one of the strongest sites in the conference. Not to mention the fact that they will actually let me in the pressbox."

Ingalls noted the ACC’s long-standing fascination with Stewart’s handiwork. "The ACC has had its eye on Techsideline for quite some time," said Ingalls. "They have been very impressed by its daily website traffic over the past several years. By adding Techsideline to the ACC fold, we expect daily hits to the Sabre to double, and sales at the Sabre Shop to increase by at least 40%."

When asked to explain how the vastly pro-Virginia Tech site visitors to TSL would translate into increased market and revenue for the Sabre and the ACC, Ingalls responded "Hokies are creatures of habit. Once they get into a pattern, it’s hard for them to get out of it. Take the poundings they’ve been giving to UVa in football. It’s been four years straight, and it doesn’t look like the beatings are going to let up, no matter how much we cry, beg for mercy, and soil ourselves on the field. The same is true for their web-surfing habits. They visit Techsideline everyday, actually multiple times a day, especially if their league is in danger of extinction, their star QB’s kid brother is announcing his school choice, or the coach or website general manager is talking with schools in the ACC about coming aboard. Sometimes they’ll sit there and click reload every 15 seconds just to see if a new post has come up. When the site switches over, we think they’ll find it hard to leave. And besides, some of them pretty much visit the Sabre everyday already. We don’t expect it to happen overnight, but we have a transition plan. Actually, we’re hoping no one notices until it’s too late."

The transition plan, according to Ingalls and Stewart, will work out in several phases. The initial phase will involve the gradual change of TSL’s primary colors from burnt orange and Chicago maroon to the traditional colors of UVA, sissy orange and pantywaist blue. Images of Michael Vick will be replaced with Melissa Stark, and the TSL Lounge board will be renamed "The Grounds". TSL will then slowly shift from stalwart sponsors including Crutchfield, Advance Auto Parts, and Hilldrup Moving and Storage to Cavalier-appropriate businesses, such as apparel store Scramble Band Vest Surplus, favored gameday snack food I Can’t Believe It’s Not Brie, and Corner Kicks, the storied downtown Charlottesville non-revenue sports bar. Finally, the name and website address will be changed over to Wahoo Central, at least until the Cleveland Indians sue for trademark infringement.

Stewart himself will play a large role in the transition. In the coming months, Stewart will be attending as many NFL training camps and preseason games as possible to make sure he has enough of the pro football experience required to be associated with the UVa program. The ACC will also provide Stewart with a crash-course in French, and teach him how to sway back and forth to public domain music. Possibly most painful of all to TSL loyalists, Stewart will no longer be posting on message boards as "Will Stewart". Rather, he will simply be known as "Hoo-tie and the Grohfish".

Due to anticipated ill will by current TSL regulars, the timeframe for TSL inclusion within the ACC fold could be moved up to 2004. Already, TSL contributors HokiefromWV and Jim Alderson, who are not being included in the move, have discussed a possible lawsuit against Stewart, the Sabre, and the ACC. Their case, according to unnamed sources, centers on the fact that Stewart may have been in secret talks with the Sabre as early as last January, when Stewart was spotted in the mall trying on khakis, ties, and backwards baseball caps.

"It’s been a long ride, and it’s been fun," said Stewart. "I am going to miss covering the Hokies, but I will still be a Virginia Tech fan. I’ll still be at the games, except of course, when I’m covering Virginia games in their quest to secure fourth place in the ACC. It’s just business. Just business."

When asked to comment on the possible effects the loss of TSL to a rival conference, Virginia Tech Athletic Director Jim Weaver would only respond, "The ACC is out of control!"

Indeed, Jim. Indeed.

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