With the close of the 2003 recruiting season, everyone is concerned with how this year’s recruiting class stacks up versus Tech classes of years past, along with the invariable comparisons to our in-state rivals. The questions are many. Is this our best class ever? Does it surpass the ’98 class headlined by Michael Vick? Is this the most talented group of defenders assembled since the O.J. Simpson trial?

When Frank Beamer’s Virginia Tech Hokies soundly defeated the Oregon/Nike Ducks in the 2012 Bowl Championship Simulation as processed by Zenton-4AX.5, the Mighty and Wise Championship Computer, the experts agreed that this third national championship in the past ten years would again lead to a stellar recruiting class for the Hokies. They were proven correct, as Tech landed the consensus #1 class in the nation (as ranked by Rivals, ESPN, SuperPrep, Insiders, Outsiders -- based in Charlottesville -- and the TSL Global Sports Network).

As has become the custom over the past ten years, Tech dominated in-state recruiting, soundly beating down the recruiting efforts of Div 1-A newcomer James Madison and their bitter conference rivals, the UVa Fighting Mountain Lions (Note: UVa changed its official nickname after an infamous episode of ESPN Outside the Lines that pointed out the resemblance between the Cavalier and the characters depicted on the wrapper of Three Musketeers candy bars. Finally fed up with the ensuing taunts over the years, the candy bars pelting the field at Scott Stadium, and the invariable references to the Wahoo defense being "soft, and filled with delicious nougat", the Wahoo fans successfully petitioned to change the mascot to something a little more ‘fierce" – finally settling on a mountain lion with a pair of scissors held menacingly in its paws. That crisis averted, UVa continues to be taunted for the way its fans dress at games).

By signing 9 of the Roanoke Times Top 10, Tech once again proved that it is truly Virginia’s team. Rumor is that Tech AD John Ballein is in such a good mood after the Hokies’ recent success that this could finally be the year that TechSideline.com gets press VT credentials.

UVa, on the other hand, was proud to announce that as usual, they outrecruited the Hokies in Canada, bringing in some of the top talent from Manitoba, Alberta, and of course, French-speaking Quebec, eh. The Lions of Mt. Wahoo did manage to rank as high as 20th according to most recruiting services, with all-star LB Ahmad Brooks once again headlining the class.

QB Thomas Pitts – 6-2, 205 lbs – the top player in Virginia with a cannon for an arm, Pitts surprisingly did not receive an offer from the University of Virginia. UVa Head Coach Howie Long reportedly did not want to pursue Pitts unless he showed serious interest in the Mountain Lions, seeing as how he was Hokie student manager Bobby Caruthers’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate. (Coach Long was reportedly overheard telling Teri Hatcher, his wife of eight years, that "Pitts is going to have to recruit Virginia for us to offer him a scholarship.")

RB Brandon Bark – 6-0, 216 lbs – this Roanoke native led the state in touchdowns and rushing yards. Bark grew up going to Tech games, listing Hokie great and Tennessee Titan all-time rushing leader Lee Suggs as his idol. Thought to be an initial VT lean, Bark put some doubt in the minds of the Hokie faithful when he showed serious interest in Miami…until he met some of their fans. He called the Tech coaches to verbal immediately following his official visit with the Hurricanes.

RB Ricky Bellamy – 5-7, 280 lbs – the ultimate "compact" back, Bellamy, better known as "The Human Bowling Ball," uses his stature and unusual weight to his advantage. "Most of the time, defenders don’t see me behind my linemen," said Bellamy. "Then when they do see me, they think I AM one of my linemen. That’s when I hit them. Hard. And I leave them wishing that I WAS untouchable."

FB Steve Morris – 5-10, 224 lbs – a powerful, blue-collar back known for his crushing blocks, Morris is the latest player to arrive in Blacksburg by virtue of the famed "New England Pipeline" opened by TSL message board regular Tallen.

WR Dennis Ramsey - 6-6, 209 lbs – this Ernest Wilford clone looks to continue the streak of Hokie WRs drafted high in the NFL Draft, following the likes of Freeman, Still, Davis, Wilford, Lee, Hyman, Gilchrist, and Anastasio (who of course transferred from Notre Dame after one season when they spelled his last name with a "C" in the media guide).

WR Deon Ray – 6-1, 185 lbs – this speedster out of Northern Virginia was blown away by his trip to Blacksburg, particularly during his visit to Lane Stadium and the Merryman Center. "First of all, the stadium is incredible. It’s the loudest place I’ve ever been, and once they finish the new addition, wow. It will be unreal playing in front of 100,000. And the Merryman Center, that’s what really tipped the scale for me. I mean, first of all, who doesn’t love a giant lunch pail? And on top of that, the whole place is just full of trophy cases. Most of them already have trophies, but there are a few empty ones that said ‘This case reserved for our 4^th national championship’, ‘This case reserved for our 5^th national championship’, and so on. They really got me excited about playing for the national title at Tech and continuing the legacy. They also showed me the Commonwealth Cup. Man, that thing was dusty! It looks like it's been sitting in the same place for years!" said Ray during his press conference on signing day.

TE Mark Davidson – 6-5, 265 lbs – all-state pick chose VT over PSU, despite a late in-house visit by cryogenically reanimated JoePa. Not sold on the "You know you’re a special player to us, they can only bring me out of the deep freeze for 10-15 recruits, tops" pitch, Davidson signed with the Hokies, citing the plans for the new, enhanced role TEs would be playing in the Tech offense.

OL Ron Garrison – 6-9, 445 lbs – an absolute monster, with surprisingly nimble feet. Widely expected to challenge Tripp Carroll’s steak-eating record. "I really like his size," said Coach Beamer. Projects to play RG and RT. At the same time.

OL Jimmy Stokes – 6-4, 298 lbs – a talented snapper and brother of former All-American center Jason Stokes, Stokes signed with the Hokies despite constant references to him on the TSL message board as JS2. "Hey, I don’t mind the pressure of living up to Jason’s reputation or following in the footsteps of my big brother," said Stokes, "but I can’t stand the JS2 thing. I’m my own person. I’m Jimmy. Call me Jimmy."

DE Charles Bass – 6-3, 245 lbs – The subject of countless "Bass to UVa – Book It" posts early on, Bass was long thought to be a Mountain Lion lock, based largely on the relationship Bass developed with message board poster grandpapagator, who throughout Bass’s high school career drove him to football camp, the grocery store, the mall, and of course, Waffle House. Bass ultimately chose Tech because of their record for developing outstanding defensive ends, and the fact that grandpapagator’s car just wasn’t that nice anyway.

DL Gary Robinson – 6-3, 289 lbs – a versatile, unblockable force in the middle, Robinson played tackle, defensive end, tight end, and fullback for the Florida state champs. Recruiting experts compare him favorably to a young Warren Sapp, except for the fact that he "is not a jerk."

DL Tim Sampson – 6-2, 279 lbs – a Virginia first team all-state selection with a nose for the football, broke the state record for fumbles recovered. Signed with the Hokies over Penn State, Florida, and UVa, who tried unsuccessfully to sell him on the quality of the other players he’d be lining up with. "I was always leaning towards Tech," said Sampson, "but I thought I would give UVa a chance. Of course, when the focus of their pitch was the opportunity to play on the same line as Pierre Dumas, Louis St. Croix, and Jacques Phillippe, that pretty much eliminated them."

LB Warren Warren - 6-2, 235 lbs - Seemingly the last in a long line of Warren brothers to wear the orange and maroon (the others of course being Brett, Blake, Bo, Zevon, and last year’s defensive MVP, Hokie Bird Warren), Warren (more commonly known as W²) committed early to the Hokies. Projects at Backer.

LB Tony Tate – 6-3, 240 lbs – nephew of famed "office linebacker" Terry Tate, this high school all-star left opposing players quaking in their boots under the onslaught of "The Pain Train." Woo Woo! Better have that cover sheet on your TPS report!

CB Keith Shaw - 6-1, 195 lbs – One of the top cover corners in the nation, Shaw matches outstanding size with elite speed (4.37 in the 40). Noted expert vtheadscout compares Shaw favorably to Mike Hinton, saying he could be Tech’s next great big corner.

CB Mike Vick – 5-11, 189 lbs – this electrifying cornerback led the nation in interceptions, returning 7 for touchdowns, and excelled as a kick and punt returner. No relation to the former Hokie superstar. "Let’s face it," said Vick at his signing press conference. "The expectations for me are going to be huge, just because I happen to have the same first name and last name as the Mike Vick in the NFL. Heck, some schools even offered me starting spots at QB, even though I haven’t played QB since eighth grade. I thought I might as well face those expectations head-on at Virginia Tech." Rumor is the MV3 t-shirts are already being printed.

S Lester Poe - 5-11, 210 lbs – a heat-seeking missile for the Virginia state champs, Poe is projected as a free safety for the Hokies. Reportedly was offered a special room on the Lawn during his visit to Charlottesville, but hated how they all kept calling him "The Raven." After he verbally committed to the Hokies, Poe was repeatedly called by secondary coach Anthony Poindexter, begging him to change his commitment to UVa. "Come on, Lester – reconsider signing with us. We can promise you early playing time and the opportunity to start without any of those ‘pesky good players with winning attitudes’ to deal with." Poe’s answer each time? "Nevermore!"

K Stacy Warren - 5-8, 120 lbs – Sure, you knew about the Warren brothers, but what about their sister, Stacy? One of Virginia’s top kickers, this Centreville star made 45 of 48 extra points and 9 of 12 field goals including a long of 53. Her signing had the Sabre message board up in arms. "As if the Hokies’ stranglehold on brothers wasn’t enough to worry about, now we’re getting outrecruited for their sisters!" griped ever-present poster, Admiral Hoo. Warren’s signing fulfills the gender equity scholarship requirements as dictated by Title X.

P Max Jefferson - 5-10, 174 lbs – All-American punter is the great-great-great-great, etc grandson of Thomas Jefferson, averaging over 50 yards per attempt. Upon signing, Sabre meltdown ensues. "TJ wasn’t all that, anyway," said UVACroquetRulz.

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